The awareness is personified but not a person

There are two entities. One, the awareness and two, the physical body. I am the awareness. What I address as “I” is the awareness.

After my enlightenment, I was afraid. If I am only the “awareness” of my own emptiness – then the question comes “Who is afraid?”. I could not answer this question for a long time until today. 

Today I realized that this awareness is personified and it is a revolution. It has an “I”. But this awareness is not the physical body. 

The awareness is personified but not a person.

I, the awareness, is/was afraid of its own emptiness – of the emptiness and not of another “mass” as the awareness is massless.

I am the “awareness”. I have become aware of my own emptiness. But I am not the physical body. I know that I am empty, devoid of mass, and hence I am afraid.

The “I”  (the awareness) is expressing itself through the physical body. My physical body and actions are an expression of the “I”.

The physical body is a tool or the “I” (awareness). The awareness interacts with the world with the help of the physical body. The awareness gets is plan accomplished with the help of the physical body.

I am aware of the “I”, I know I am the “I”, but others see me as the physical body. They do not know the “I”.

So, what I think of myself as, and what others think of me are very different.

I am massless

I have become aware that I am empty, massless. I have realized that I am just empty – not an empty container, but infinitely empty – there is no end to the emptiness. 

Self realization is the realization that one is empty.

I have become aware that I do no longer have a body – it has been set aside leaving me empty.

I have realized that I am alone. Since I am alone & no one in my rescue, I am afraid.

Because I am afraid, I questioned – Who is afraid if the physical body has been set aside? There must be someone who is afraid

I realized that the awareness is personified – otherwise who is afraid?

The “I” is the awareness. 

But If I am alone – without a second, who am I scared of, there is nobody. 

Since I am alone, who is there to scare me? There is no one to scare me. 

My “being afraid” is false – it is assuming that someone is there. But it is only the emptiness. I am afraid of not people, but of no-people.

I am afraid of the emptiness and not of another. 

Whatever is, is non-physical and an observed phenomenon. Nothing in me touches the physical body iit has been set aside. The awareness has become alone by setting aside the physical body.

The physical body is needed because the awareness “I” (who knows that there is nobody) expresses itself through the physical body or is reflected through the physical body.  

The “I” is not the physical body. Even to utter that “I” to express the personification , the physical body is needed – hence the body. 

The physical body is a tool available to the awareness. 

But the “I” is only the knowledge that there is nobody.  

Just like the leaf, the physical body expresses the “awareness” – The physical body is not aware of its own nature.

The Fear of Freedom

I was a part of the crowd, hence I was not visible. I was one of them.

Now I am alone and unique, so I am exposed. 

I am the odd man out, hence visible – exposed and fearful.

Exposure leads to fear. Being the “odd one out” leads to fear.

Exposed because, after enlightenment, I cannot wear another’s jersey.

Earlier I wore someone else’s jersey.

I am not able to be my body, let alone other people

If I was able to own my own body, I would not be alone. I would not be afraid

Who am I? I am consciousness. I am freedom. I am aloneness.

Though being the body temporarily, I do not have my body. 

As long as the physical body is there, it is the consciousness. Earlier it became a lot of things – at a point in the past, it could only become the body

Now it cannot become anything – hence alone and afraid.

Now the question is…

Who is able to see me as different? The process is internal.

I have become aware of my aloneness. The consciousness has become aware of its aloneness.

Earlier there were others – the consciousness is saying – now there is no body. 

Hence I am afraid. 

As long as I have this physical body, I am “consciousness”

When one is alone, anything happens he is afraid – hence I am afraid too. 

It is the fear of freedom.

The Walking Experiment – To Know the Inner Voice

If we watch ourselves carefully, we will know that we are always in a hurry. Whatever we are doing, walking, eating, driving, working, we are always in a hurry to finish. But we do not know the reason for our hurried-ness  We do not know what will we do after we finish what we are doing now. But we are always in the hurry to finish.

This hurried-ness comes is unconsciousness. We don’t know but we hurry. If you read my post “Why we hate? – The exercise”, you will know that we are not one, but we are divided into so many identities. Some of then we are already and the other identities, we want to be. But this whole thing is imaginary. All the “I”s are imaginary.

We are in a hurry because, we fear that if we are late, we might cease to be what we think we are, we may no longer be the “I” we think we are. These “I”s make us who we are, otherwise who we would be. But the strangest part is that, all these “I”s are imaginary and we keep chasing and protecting these “I”s all our lives. It is just like you imagine someone has thrown a ball high up, an imaginary ball, thrown high up by an imaginary person, and you run to catch the imaginary ball in reality. This is madness.

All those things that are in your mind are imaginary, they cannot be real, but take them to be real, they make us who we are, how can we let them go? The only reality is here and now.

In your mind, automatically you are put in a situation, good or bad, whatever, and then another “I” emerges rationalizes the situation. If it is a bad situation, the “I” says “don’t worry everything will be fine” and if it is a good situation, you rejoice in your imagination. But the unfortunate part is that everything is imaginary, except what you are doing here and now.

In your mind, several “I”s emerge and they keep talking with each other and the “Real” you does something else. But we are not able to do something else, we get involved in the argument or discussion between the “i”s in our mind. By “We” I mean another “I”, forms and takes part in the mental discussion. Two “I”s are discussing and we take the form of another “I” and join the discussion in our mind, all imaginary. “I” after “I” forms and we are lost in the discussion.

The moment we take part in the discussion, we are lost from the real world. If we are walking our walk takes the rhythm of the discussion that is going on. If we are driving, our driving takes the rhythm of the inner talk. This happens because we remain unaware of the inner talk. The moment you are aware of the inner talks, the inner talk stops.

Most of us are unaware of this inner talk. I have devised an exercise that would let you know your inner talk. It is as follows:

Most of the time, when we are walking with someone, we see that the speed of our walk increases and becomes very fast. We are continuously talking and our walking gets faster and faster and reaches a point where our legs start to ache. Then we slow down. Till the time, our legs did not ache, we did not realize that we are walking so fast. But we did not start with an intention or objective to walk fast. But it happened. This happened because, our walk took the rhythm of our talk.

The same happens when you are walking alone. We start slow but then the speed increases when we have walked for some time. We think we are alone but we are not. What will happen to all these “I”s. We are actually many, may be hundreds, all alive and kicking! They are talking discussing their survival strategies. And every moment another “I” emerge and take part in the discussion, all imaginary, but we think that it is us.

The walking exercise:

1. Start walking alone on a road or a park, a place which is not so crowded

2. With time your speed will increase but you will not know about it.So I suggest you put an alarm so that it reminds you in 10 minutes time after you have started.

3. The moment the alarm rings – stop for 5 minutes – you may sit, if you find a place to sit nearby

4. Just watch your mind – The thoughts and you walk were “synergizing” each other. They were moving at a same speed, the thoughts in your mind, and your walk. The thoughts had also taken up a momentum. The moment you stop walking and sit. The thoughts, having a momentum, will continue in the same speed for some time. This is the time, when you will come to know your inner chatter very clearly.

5. Start walking very slowly after 5 minutes of sitting. – I mean very slowly – you will notice that the chatter will be minimum when you walk very slowly. Keep walking for 10 minutes very slowly. In these ten minutes, if you are aware, you will slowly feel that, as time is passing after you have started walking slowly, the intensity of the inner chatter is increasing very slowly.

These 5 steps will very clearly let you know you inner chatter. It will let you know what you are thinking all the time. You are discussing all the time in your mind. In step 4, when you watch your mind, things will be very clear. If you continue with this exercise for 5 days, you will know all your major inner arguments, because our arguments are all repetitive.

Once you know your inner chatter, you will realize that you are not actually who you think you are. You will come to know that you are most of the time an imaginary identity in your mind, discussing with all other identities.

Then your actions will change, because, you will earlier only aware of the inner chatter and took it for reality. Now you will have options, whether to act as per the requirement of this moment or go as per the inner imaginary chatter in your mind.

These imaginary identities are kept alive only by thinking. The more you are unconscious, lost in your mind, the more they are prominent and alive. The more you throw the light of your awareness on them, they vanish.  This is the reason why humans are always thinking, they need time to think, they need time for relaxation, so that they can always think, unconsciously, and keep them alive.

Knowing your inner imaginary chatter, and understanding that it is all imaginary and acting as per the requirement of the moment will completely change your life for the better.